It ain’t easy bein’ me. Always “a day late and a dollar short”. That’s me. Add to that the fact that I have a hard Task Master, my wife! Listen in…

“Dave, we need to go pick those 12 rows of beautiful green beans, and you need to shuck 10 bushels of sweet corn, and cook it, so we can freeze it, oh, and don’t forget to get those tomatoes!”

“Yeah, but it’s 96 degrees! It says so, right on the thermometer!”

“Oh silly! It’s really only 87 degrees! That thermometer is in the sun.”

“I’ll be in the sun.” I say.

Then Melinda says, “don’t worry about a thing dear. I’ll bring your nitroglycerin pills just in case! It’ll be fun! I love sunshine! It makes ma HAPPY!”

See what I mean? I’m just a small cog in the “great big cog wheel of life!”

But, I have a purpose in life now. Upon hearing what the “Fraud Squad” rails on about their hatred for Jews, cops, the military, border agents, our flag, and America in general, I have written an ‘in depth’ account of the History of the World according to my ‘Kinfolks’, to show how far we’ve come!
    And, don’t worry, there is a rhyme and a reason for doing this, trust me. By the way, the “Fraud Squad” is a bunch of radical freshman representatives who push socialism/communism for America! I will also say that, if we get on their “jalopy” of socialism/communism, that noise you hear, is the “lug nuts” of our society falling in the hubcaps!

By the way, I do not hate them. I know they hate what America stands for, and for the life of me, I can’t understand why! We’ve come a long way, for the GOOD, fellow citizens!

Philadelphia in the year 1775:

Uncle George Washington, talking to some of his fellow patriots;  “It looketh like we coulds’t have a pretty good country here in America, if only we coulds’t unite!”

That’s when cousin Ben Franklin chimed in “how cans’t we unite, cousin George, if we don’t even have a proper flag to signify what we dos’t wish to accomplisheth!”

Cousin George Ross happened to overhear this and said “You brethren needes’t to call upon my late nephew’s wife Betsy. She is renounced as a seamstress of flags, and such as this!”

Now Uncle George could do a lot of things, but his drawing looked like ‘chicken tracks’. If he drew an eagle, it looked like a chicken. A tree looked like a jimsonweed weed, his stars looked like droopy ghost creatures!

Uncle George and a small committee took their idea of a flag to Betsy Ross.

Betsy took one look and said “you need to take this over to Francis Hopkinson. It looks like you boys were drunk when you drew this! Mr. Hopkinson can probably get this straightened out!”

So they took their concept of a united colony flag to Mr. Hopkinson, a good designer and illustrator. Betsy took one look at the improved design and was impressed but… “I think that it still looks a little ‘stody’. We need to change the stars to five pointed ones, the 6 pointed stars look kind of ‘clunky’.”

That’s when committee member, Robert Morris, said. “Yey, but Mr. Hopkinson said it was easier to make six pointed stars, and… since thou art ”merely a woman” you’d best go with that!”

“Well!” Betsy fumed. “Hold my hot toddy! I’ll show you a thing or two!”

Betsy Ross then proceeded to fold a sheet of parchment, then fold it again, then again. And with one cut of the scissors a five pointed star was made! Later: Uncle George Washington admiring Betsy’s complete work; “That circle of 13 equal stars looketh like a new constellation! All 13 colonies equal, yet united!”

Sadly, Betsy Ross’s good flag, admired for over 200 years, is ridiculed by some misguided elected officials today!
    Uncle George had his work cut out for him! It took eight long years of toil, sweat, blood and tears to defeat “Jolly old England”! Now, the United States of America was born!

America wasn’t perfect. There were a lot of things that were wrong. The fact is, a lot of things were ‘haywire” all over the world. Slavery being paramount among them. The north went to war over slavery with the south. It was a great conflict!

My cousin, Abraham Lincoln, was president at the time. “Honest Abe” as we called him, came up with the Emancipation Proclamation in 1863 right in the middle of the Civil War! In 1865, the Union was saved! Then in 1868 the 14th Amendment was ratified giving citizenship, and equal rights to African Americans and freed slaves. I know there were a lot of struggles and unrest, but this was a step in the right direction for the U.S.A.!

One good thing happened along the way: They say my 3rd cousin’s, great-great-uncle’s aunt Maude’s nephew’s uncle by marriage ‘Abner Double Day’ invented the game of baseball in 1839 at Cooperstown, New York! Abner was a good general in the Civil War. He also invented ‘cable cars’ in San Francisco! The trouble is, Abner Doubleday seems to have forgotten the fact that he invented baseball! That’s OK, we still have the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, NY.

Baseball became the ‘National Pastime” of America! Now, the ’socialist version’ of baseball goes something like this: If a runner scores, why it’s only right to award a run to the opposing team, to be fair! Every professional player is paid the same, regardless of how proficient they may be. And each team gets a nice cheap-ass trophy!

In the ‘communist version’ they get to execute the umpire if he makes a bad call!

About this time in world history, Great-Great-Uncle Camouflager Archibald Burris, distant cousin, Karl Marx, invented communism. His “kill joy” friend Mr. Engels helped him to write “The Communist Manifesto”. This caught on all over the world! Even today many luminaries and politicians are thrilled with the idea of socialism’s first cousin, communism!

Uncle Karl dies, an atheist, and was buried in a dowdy corner of a cemetery in England dedicated for atheists. Godlessness is a ‘hallmark’ of communism. Yeah… poor old Uncle Karl once said “Religion is the opiate of the masses!” He’s still dead, but my sweet Uncle Vlad. Lenin took up where Karl left off.

Watch for my last installment of “The History of the World” according to our Kinfolk. (cheers – applause – whistles – clapping)

P.S. I’ve noticed that, as I research this stuff, B.C. and A.D. are referred to as BCE and CE. Hmmmm? I’ll have to get back to you on that.

Uncle Davis M. Burrus