December 9, 2004

Outdoor Corner

by Chris Feeney

ĎTis the season for giving, so I thought I would use this weekís Outdoor Corner to offer something to readers for the holidays. Iím not any good at wrapping presents and donít think anyone wants to hear me caroling. So instead I thought Iíd offer my services.

For anyone out there with ground with brushy fence rows, I offer my services to check the property for quail. The same goes for that CRP if you need an investigator to verify the presence of pheasants. After my search and rescue routine Iíd gladly offer any and all fowl for the hostís holiday feasting.

I must say that, turkey and ham are traditional menu items at this time of year, but nothing beats properly prepared fowl taken over a good hunting dog. Of course I may be a little biased, and then again my wife could make old shoe leather taste scrumptious.

Those of you whose bird populations are lacking, donít feel left out. I want to be fair to all, so Iíll be glad to help you get rid of the pesky big buck thatís haunting your ground. We donít want any travelers to feel threatened by such a monster, you know there are so many deer/car crashes anymore. Besides heís eating lots of your crops, rubbing down all your little pine trees and throwing his weight around on your fences. I know itís tough, but someone has to do it.

Let me tell you, I am dedicated to such projects and will give up my time to search out said deer from the start of the bow season all the way through the new year.

Donít let the seasons ruin this offer. Iíll be glad to bestow my services in the spring to help you thin out the turkey populations. Even if the Christmas trees are gone thereís always April birthdays, Easter and other holidays that warrant some type of gift giving.

There is only so much of me to go around, but Iíll also pledge to assist any pond owner. When the ice comes on this winter, I pledge to bring my fishing gear out to sit on top of your waterway. Not only will I determine if there are any fish in the impoundment, but I can also offer important information on water depth, and structure placements courtesy of my Vexilar sonar. Best of all Iíll inform you of which lures work best if you ever want to catch a batch. Of course that is a trial by error on my part. Again the gift just keeps on giving as Iíll gladly share the fishing bounty and Iíll even clean and fillet your holiday feast for you.

With all of these valuable services being offered Iím sure Iíll be too busy to shovel snow, mow the yard or any really labor-intensive services that otherwise I might offer. Iím sure it will be difficult to get to every farm out there, but Iím dedicated and willing to try. Iím a firm believer that it is better to give than receive.

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